I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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