I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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