Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
