Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
