I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
