I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
