oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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