escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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