I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
