I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
