guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I AM VODKA MAN
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
