Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
