I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
