I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
only if we run a train.
done.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
