you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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