u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
