During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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