Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
