dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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