This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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