i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
