I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
