There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
