There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
