i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We had to coat check the pizza.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
