Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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