shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
