is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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