Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
