man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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