I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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