I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
