wanna go halves on a baby?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
