your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
