Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
