I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
