Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
