I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
