Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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