We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
