Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
