I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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