I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
