He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
