He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
