oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
