I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
