Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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