god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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