it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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