Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
