Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
