that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
