Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
