So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
